So I wanted to write a little porn piece

I am a wannabe writer, and I do write. Tripe mostly. I am an absolute failure as a novelist. So I thought to myself that I would write a little porn piece. thinking it should be pretty easy. You go from start to finish in one long peak

  • Boy sees girl.
  • Girl disrobes if she isn’t already.
  • They blow, finger and fuck various orifices.
  • Someone else cleans up the mess.

But I just can’t bring myself to write dialogue like “I am going to make love to you so hard and so long that you’ll squeal out my name!”. I just can’t do it.

So my poor hero is going to fix a couple of broken pales in the fence between his yard and his drop-dead-gorgeous nymph in the next.

The problem: How does she get to the fence into his waiting hands to be passionately groped before having marvelous sex through the fence.

I know many women. Not one of them would get anywhere near unfamiliar hands poking through the fence.

OK … sex through a backyard fence is out, unless I want to write five thousand words of seductive dialogue before getting to the money part. Meanwhile, I have lost my audience. If they wanted romance, they wouldn’t be on a sex site, would they?

Yeesh! Isn’t there some venue that just sort of writes itself?

20 comments

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